Fluid Opinions

My happiness lies in treading on thin ice, rock jumps in to lakes, snowboarding, exercising and scuba diving. It lies in the smiles of platonic loves, shared meals and bad jokes. My life is an exquisite cocktail of rash decisions, fluid opinions, hugs, selfishness then self-reflection, long stares in to the mirror with silence as a sole companion, vanity, a touch of insanity, self-loathing and self-appreciation. The teetering balance between false confidence and a plethora of insecurities tenuously calibrated by compliments and self-criticism is a constant cohort.   My drive is the positive aura’s emanating from the kind souls around me, that I try not to leech or drain too much from and intentionally surround myself with. My motivation is to achieve difference but not influence negatively, not to be remembered but to ostracize myself from over consumption, gluttony and greed. My many failings at accomplishing this are responsible for my long silences and intentional inebriation to dull an inexplicable sensitivity to the futility of our reality.

Despite my alcoholic tendencies happiness comes rather easily to me, neurochemicals like dopamine and serotonin that I am inexplicably lucky to have in abundance.  This comes partly from my lack of future planning. Every day I live is one where I might die tomorrow, giving me a convenient excuse to push boundaries, test limits, abandon the status quo and break free of the prison that is modern society. This has inadvertently affected friends around me negatively and for that I am sorry.

To quote Tim Minchin we are incalculably lucky to be born, and incredibly lucky to be brought up by a nice family that facilitated our education and provided food and shelter. If we have this sort of luxury and choose to be bitter anyway, then that’s a special sort of insecurity. We all kill ourselves for jobs that would replace us in a day if we were to die tomorrow. We feel secure in the fact that this is normal, however taking a holiday over three weeks long is considered abnormal. Our opinions are our great definers, and we should constantly examine the concept of what is normal and adapt it. My morals change like seasons to encompass long-haul flights that allow me to indulge in travelling, attend festivals and sports arenas and contribute to the commercially driven polar bear starving, ocean plastic saturation that I despise. I struggle to meet my own expectations, so I am non-judgmental of others in all of these regards. I am the essence of hypocritical in that I believe in my heart all of this but cannot impact the world in any of the ways I would like. I just wanted to write, to vent into the void as the majority of my opinions are unpopular and as such upsetting to "normal people". So I hide them away here, in a tiny corner of the 1200+ petabytes of data on the internet among all the boobies.